Naughty or nice, naughty or nice
I don't really care so I'm checking it once
Labour laws and we're on supplies
So I'm taking liberties with the naughty or nice
Johnny is a good boy and donates his money
But he thinks Dane Cook is funny, naughty
Danica owns a car and gives her friends rides
Even though they don't go far she makes them pay for petrol, naughty
Michael farts in his hand then holds it on his brother's face
Pretty fuckin' funny but also pretty naughty
Joanna says thank you, is generally good
But all her answers on dating apps are food, that's basic
Naughty or nice, naughty or nice
I'm the big boy, so I decide, baby
If everybody's on the naughty list
It means that I don't have to deliver shit
Hey, Santa do you have a moment?
Oh, hello Geoffrey, back so soon from your
Court-mandated coffee break you Marxist fuck?
You can't talk to me that way Santa
And you gotta stop taking liberties with the naughty list, ok?
I can do whatever I want, I'm Santa Claus baby
Why don't you go make me some more PS5s you lazy little communist
That's not the point
You've made me 17 PS5s
They are very difficult
Y'know for the entire fucking world
So why don't you stay in your lane Geoffrey?
Santa, as your head of staff, I strongly advise
Oh, now you're strongly advising me, are you?
Come on mate
Whose face is on a Coca-Cola bottle, Geoffrey?
Not getting into this
Is it your face Geoffrey?
Just listen
Have they started a new campaign?
Geoffrey, have I been drinking old Coca-Cola
And have somehow missed your fucking face
On all of the new Coca-Cola bottles, huh?
Fuck you, Santa
Fuck off, Geoffrey
Phillip was named Phillip when he was born
But he makes his friends call him Felipe
I think that's naughty
Chris Pratt doing an Italiano accent for Mario
Here we go! Right on my naughty list
A naughty man named Billy who
Touches his dirty willy when he
Thinks no one is watching
I'm watching, that's naughty
Every single elf that signed up to unionize
Here is a surprise, you are all assholes
All through the year I've been watching you
While you've been asleep
While you've been awake
While you've learnt to bake bread
I hear you say "I want to be the best me"
Fuckin' baking bread is boring
And that makes you naughty
"I'm gonna start roller-skating!"
Then you spend your time inside
Drinking red wine and masturbating, naughty
11 months of the year my job is just to watch you
So next year find something fucking entertaining to do!
Naughty or nice, naughty or nice
I couldn't give a fuck and you can check on that twice, baby
And if I hear you complaining about me
I slap you harder than I slap that massive elf nerd, Geoffrey
Fuck you, Santa
No, fuck you, Geoffrey
Naughty or nice, naughty or nice
I'm the big boy, so I get what I like, baby
And what I like is telling every boy and girl, in the whole wide world
That they're very, very, very not good
Naughty or nice, naughty or nice
I'm the big boy, and I'm bona fide, baby
If everybody's on the naughty list, it means that
Santa Claus does not owe you shit