Betty's in a wet t-shirt Feelin' foolish and vain Lookin' like some housecat That got caught out in the rain Starin' into the mirror At this less than pretty picture Feeling ten years older now And fifty bucks richer Life is hard Can't buy happiness no matter what you do Can't get to heaven on roller skates Can't take a taxicab to Timbuktu Paul was a poor little rich boy He never had to cry Whenever he complained of aches & pains The doctors would drop by Now he goes to parlors Where the prettiest girls in town Get paid five hundred dollars Just to kick him when he's down Life is hard Can't buy happiness no matter what you do Can't get to heaven on roller skates Can't take a taxicab to Timbuktu After he stiffed a waitress And ran out on his tab Big Mac had a heart attack In the back of a yellow cab By the time the sound of a siren Said the ambulance was comin' His heart had stopped beatin' But the meter was still runnin' Life is hard Can't buy happiness no matter what you do Can't get to heaven on roller skates Can't take a taxicab to Timbuktu Life is hard Ain't no escapin' when the rent comes due Can't get to heaven on roller skates Can't take a taxicab to Timbuktu