Call me collect Call me anytime you need to I'll be waiting there If you've got a girlfriend Or a boyfriend I'll be on the line doing my level best Call me an asshole Call me what you want to I will love you still Call me complaining I will entertain you And tell it like it is If you start a band Well, you can use my van I'll be in the crowd, doing my level best I'll scream with all my might 'Cause it's my level best Call me divided Call me at your lowest I will belong to you Call me at midnight I can talk for hours Discussing male privilege If you are in trouble, Something illegal I'll be at your side Doing my level best If it breaks me up inside It's my level best Call me with bad news Tell me that you loved her I will listen to you I will catch the next flight for any country I will risk it all to do my level best If you need a million Borrowed by tomorrow I would rob a bank to do my level best I'd smuggle in drugs It's my level best I'd kill a queen It's my level best A thousand bright ideas They're my level best