Gather 'round people gonna tell you a tale
'Bout the time that the clocks all quit and the government failed
Back when the agents tracked all the postmen down
And they found all they needed to know in the second-class mail
And then hauled off everyone 'cept for me and a couple of friends
They forgot in the Nottingham jail
Now that jailor, he saw all the smoke in the air
And he wished he was there
'Stead of inside watching our cell
So we said "Go do your share, we ain't goin' nowhere"
He agreed, grabbed his gun with a smile and then wished us all well
'Fore he got to his car, we had cut through the bars
Snuck outside and sat back just to watch
'Til the curtain fell.
Now the first thing I noticed when we hit the street
Was the Seventh Fleet
They was cruisin' the center of town
No one seemed real clear 'bout who had sent them there
But they sure looked grand
With the band, the balloons and the clowns
And they played "Anchors away" for the rest of the day
'Cept the times that they'd lower their guns
And shoot some renegade down
Yes and John the Baptist and Uncle Sam
They were carryin' the plans
For some new kind of object of faith
When this renegade band with their guns in their hands
Stopped them both and demanded a look
In the top secret case
But just in the nick of time
Those renegades were stricken blind
By a low flying plane with no name and no number to trace
But just the same John lost his head
And he said he was going to run
But someone held him down and Sam tied up his hands
He cried out to his boss but he couldn't get across
'Cause the lines were all down
And the crowd cheered him on from the stands
But he finally did get away
You can see him today
He sells silver plates and still waits
For the boss to call back
And Attila the Hun and his Austrian son
Left their hideout in Rio to fly out and relive the past
Sam he showed 'em around when they got into town
But he warned 'em the rules had been changed
Since they'd played the game last
Ol' Attila just grinned and winked at his friend
I forget what went down after that
It all happened so fast
Yes it was lookin' real bad, any luck that we'd had
Had been lost in the park after dark
When the army arrived
They was sweeping the town chasing renegades down
There were no friends to be found
There was no place at all left to hide
And the Austrian son he was having some fun
He'd been put in command of the camps
And his prisoners all died ...
Meanwhile
Way across town
In the penthouse suite of the tallest building
The boss was asleep
When he heard such a clatter
He sprang from his bed
Just to see what was the matter
He looked down on the street
And that scene filled his eyes
But you know he wasn't even surprised
He just got on the phone
And he ordered some thunder
Some lightning and disk blades
(To plow it all under)
Someone asked why
With a sigh he explained
That the fools was up doin' it again
Meanwhile back on the street:
This clown in a gown and fur hat
With tattoos on his shoulders
Comes over and whispers
"It's gonna be alright"
He says he's a personal friend of the boss
And then asks if we've got any sheep
He can sacrifice later that night
We said "No" he said "Oh"
And then he wandered off
Chanting some strange sounding language
And waving his wand at the sky
Sam and Attila were gettin' their fill
Of the action and danger
They'd burned every manger in town
And Ol' John's eyes were hazy
He must have gone crazy
He was runnin' around tryin' to drown
Everybody he found
Yes and the Austrian son was still having his fun
Launching V-2s at anything moving or making a sound
Bright and early next morning without any warning
The sky opened up
And the boss stuck his head through the clouds
The Army and Navy they opened up fire
But he grabbed him that lightning
And layed them all under the ground
Sam jumped up to salute
The boss said "That's real cute
But it's a little bit late
'Cause I've seen what's been going down"
Sam said "You've got it all wrong
It's them that you want and not me
Can't you see that that's Attila and the Austrian kid?"
The boss said "Yes that's true
But I also want you
Do you think that I'm blind?
Did you think you could keep yourself hid?"
And just then the clown in the gown hit the ground
And started kissing his feet
But he stepped on his tongue
And said "Who is this kid?"