Children singing merrily
Carols till my ears are bleeding
Christmas, at Christmas
Strangers and their looks of glee
Smiling at you stupidly
At Christmas, at Christmas
Shopping in December is delightful
If you're into people acting spiteful
Precious children with their lists
It's pure unbridled avarice
At Christmas, at Christmas
Spend the whole year saving cash
And then you blow it out your ass
At Christmas, Christmas
People laugh and say that I am crazy
They talk about how Christmas is amazing
They're all stressed and they're all broke
Sometimes I think it's all a joke
We laugh it off and say it must be Christmas
All these lights are such a thrill
And so is the electric bill
At Christmas, Christmas
Bing Crosby is a liar
Who roasts chestnuts on a fire
At Christmas, Christmas
A tree inside a living room is crazy
Branches drying near a fire blazing
You can go and pick your tree
But you can't pick your family
At Christmas, at Christmas
Uncle Jeff is drinking gin
He's puking in the popcorn tin
At Christmas, at Christmas
Politics, religion at the table
Now you're telling me you don't have cable
Nothing else can give me fits
Like presents bought by idiots
At Christmas, Christmas
Ties and socks so terrible
And sweaters only wearable
At Christmas, Christmas
Dress it up and call it a tradition
I prefer a Yuletide demolition
Everyone is awkward here
And we just call it Christmas cheer
So let's all have another beer it's Christmas
So don't you play your Christmas songs
Until December comes along
Oh why was baby Jesus born on Christmas?