There are sagas of undersea outlaws
And the great soggy deeds that they did
But the saltiest thief to come down the reef
Was the outlaw named Billy the Squid.
From the Grand Banks he'd steal sand dollars
And escape on his seahorse named Sid
He took from the selfish and gave to the shellfish
Did bighearted Billy the Squid
In the Pink Coral Lounge (that's a sand bar)
Worked the former Miss Lake Champlain
A beautiful mollusk, a real living doll-usk,
Her name, it was Clammity Jane
Now this dive was as hard as a barnacle
It was real barricuda terrain
Where the groupers and grunts pulled unsavory stunts
Which was tough on poor Clamity Jane
One night through the door swam a stranger
To the corner he squirted and slid
All the fish in the room grew as hushed as a tomb
When the saw it was: Billy the Squid!
But he had not come in for a hold-up
Or for criminal personal gain
He'd come on a misson, he'd come there a-fishin'
For the beauteous Clammity Jane
He said "Clammy, I done hurt your feelins
"And I've caused you some pain, this I know
"But before it's too late, I'm gonna go straight
Or, as straight as a squid can go."
He asked for her hand, but she had none
And to prove it she lifted her lid
"Then how 'bout a foot?" And her foot out she put
"It's a beauty!" said Billy the Squid
Then he gathered her up in his tentacles
And as into the sunset they rid
She looked at him clammily, "Let's start a family!"
"Wahoo!" said Billy the Squid
So the moved to the submarine suburbs
And when the found out they could not have kids
They adopted three guppies and four dogfish puppies
And a whole bunch of clamettes and squids
In the sagas of undersea outlaws
And the great soggy deeds that they did
There's a clam who prevailed where the sheriff had failed
And she captured bold Billy the Squid.