I thought that I'd be a millionaire
I thought I'd be in Vanity Fair
But I'm gonna be thirty, my kitchen is dirty
My shower drain is clogged with my hair
I thought that I'd trip into my wife
I thought she'd just fall into my life
But I never mingle, I'm chronically single
My thumb is tired from all the swipes
But I don't mind I'm not Mr. Right
I'm getting acquainted with my mystery life
I'm Mr. Shoes Tied, Mr. Deep Sigh, Mr. I'm Doing Alright
I'm Mr. Hindsight, Mr. Fine Life, Mr. Peaked In Junior High
I used to think I'd be the man but now I think I'm just some guy
I thought that I'd be properly paid
And rewarded for my excellent grades
But the economy's funny, the memes turned to money
I just learned about a Roth IRA
I thought I'd be the macho ideal
A double-pecked stomach of steel
But my voice is still whiny, my biceps are tiny
And I'm five nine... in two inch heels
But I don't mind I'm not Mr. Right
I'm getting acquainted with my mystery life
I'm Mr. Shoes Tied, Mr. Deep Sigh, Mr. I'm Doing Alright
I'm Mr. Hindsight, Mr. Fine Life, Mr. Peaked In Junior High
I used to think I'd be the man but now I think I'm just some guy
And I like it, I don't need to be seen to be real anymore
Fuck it I love it
I'm finally fine, even when I'm ignored
I'm not a prodigy, waiting to be alive
'Cause I'm Mr. Shoes Tied, Mr. Deep Sigh, Mr. I'm Doing Alright
I'm Mr. Hindsight, Mr. Fine Life, Mr. Peaked In Junior High
I used to think I'd be the man but now I think I'm just some guy