I got lost
And the only way that I could talk to God
Was through your songs
I used to sing in tune
Did you?
Did you?
When I was a child, I prayed
And he felt like new wine fermenting inside of old age.
I know that might not make sense
But he was a decade removed from all of his accomplishments
And he still had the eyes of a dreamer
And no one worshipped him as a demigod
I used to throw stones at his window
Back before he threw stones at me
He'd climb out like clockwork after his parents had gone to sleep
And sneak to the park just up the street from their house
In the mountains just east of the city
I loved it there
It was far enough away that the glow didn't bleed into the show
We'd play connect the dots and make up constellations
I was wishing on the stars,
But he'd lie down and stare into the empty black
Between them until all the suns in his periphery blurred into one
And he'd close them so tight to hold on to the spectrum and whisper
"I knew there was something more than black and white out there."
Don't leave me
I know exactly how a window screen sounds popped out from its hinges
I used to be the one that you snuck out for
When we were younger I used to wonder what I'd do
If I ever heard the sounds of the bedsprings
Blending into the creaking of the frame
Bending blending into feet against the stucco
Searching for the ground, and now I know
It happened in slow motion and I swear the second hand never made it
One moment past my eyes closing before you left
And now I dream of the nights
That you used to talk about fire and color
And wonder if God was as real
As the sunspots that you saw in his absence
I tried taping my eyelids shut to see him like you used to
I tried cutting my eyelids off to see him like I used to
I stitched the skin to skin to salvage whatever was left
And then searched the sky for signs of life
Like there wasn't blood blurring into the vision
Is freedom abandonment?
Is that why you abandoned me?
Is freedom forgetfulness? I forget
I can't stop remembering when we were young
And you stayed, and you felt like old faith
Casked and too mature for your age.
And I know it might not make sense
But he was a decade away from all of his accomplishments
And he still had the heart of a son
And no one worshipped him in the place of one
All I wanted was to to sing in your choir
I can't hit the notes
I can't hit the notes
All I wanted was to sing in your choir
I used to sing in tune
Did you?
I threw up my prayers like incantations
I'd give anything to see the sky one last time
I'd give anything to see the sky one last time
I'd give anything to see the sky one last time
(I'd give anything to see the sky one last time)