Somewhere in the vast middle I began again
I started thinking about warm summer nights
About train stories and old paintings
About that wooden bench that became the coffin for my old self
Lying there
Gazing up into eternity
Assured of my place among the stars
Wondering which one has my name on it
What will my mailing address be in heaven?
And how long will my life shine light on this world after I've finally burned out
Turned out every word they said in my confirmation class was true
Not that I didn't think it was
I just didn't think it mattered
And the more I understand the spectrum of conservative evangelicals
The more I realize how ironic is that I got saved while sitting on a pool table
Hustled by grace
It took me for all I was worth which wasn't much at the time but you made me more
Like a child in his first experience with love
I wrote you a letter
Asking if you liked me too
Circle yes or no
And with blood, you surrounded the affirmative
I roamed the halls that night to the sound of melodic teenage hormones or was that praise
The endless ways we express our adoration in a new found relationship
But how many will stick?
How many will still shout 'hallelujah' when these camp fires flicker
Down to nothing but dust and ash
I ask, is something wrong with me because I'm not crying
Did my prayer somehow not count without a river of tears to carry
My white flag of surrender to the doorstep of your throne
Or are we already like really good friends
You see my heart before you hear my words
You get it
And you got me
At 14 years old I gave myself to a man who took nothing from me
And gave me forever
And I know that sounds wrong
But it's the rightest thing this left out, tall, theater boy ever experienced
Cause I'd seen the verses
And read the red letters
And said the dead words that never meant anything to me until you gave everything for me
I never realized that belonging was the longest longing my soul had ever longed for
Until I belonged more on your shore that any foreign land in which I searched for home
And at the end of the night somewhere in that vast middle I heard my name
And a new life began