Everyone's so kind and humble Don't you know that I can see right through it? Keeping all their comments down You know it ain't a boast if you can do it And everyone says "Say hey" And everyone says "Did you see that kid play?" I've got to give the kid a hand But there's nothing that he can do better than I can I'm Ted Fucking Williams People say it's hard to like a man Who doesn't fail and show he's a human But failure's not a sign of grace It only means you don't know what you're doing And everyone says "Hey, Mick" Mantle this, Mantle that, it makes me sick It's just so hard to see Why do they like him better than me? I'm Ted Fucking Williams And everyone says "Hey, Duke" Like everything I did was some kind of fluke I gotta give the Duke a hand But there's nothing that he can do better than I can I'm Ted Fucking Williams