It's so beautiful outside
With your tiny hands wrapped peacefully in mine
We're gonna lay on the bed
You're gonna look into my eyes
And you will see me look ahead
And I'll say:
No no no, I'm not ready to face-time
If I'm being honest your body makes me hate mine
The outside is hot to the dismay of the inside
I don't like how it looks but I guess that it tastes fine
I'm curled up like a child on the ground
Under the bed and I hope to not be found
By your "how"s
You will not get away with this one
It wants what it wants
I can't help it, I'm not in control
So just let it go
Place your hands on the side of my face
They're not yet warm enough to be tied up in shame
Fill your ears with my final decree
Soon enough you'll finally see
It's not so bad
If you just close your eyes and hold your breath
Embrace yourself for me
To plunge your self between
This mound of human meat
Oh, watch me swerve and watch me spin
I'll keep you nice and neat
All wrapped inside of me and make you go:
Ow ow ow ow ow,
Ow ow ow ow ow, oh
Though I try to be kind
There is something deep inside
Telling me it's not what it seems
Rotten for a memory but ripe for today
My heart is torn at it's seam
And at me it screams:
What if I was wrong?
What if this is a mistake?
What have I gotten myself into?
I've lost my way and will never come back again
And if this is a mistake then show me a sign
Dear god, show me a sign
Give me light
Give me strength
Give me reason
Give me the strength to say no and mean it
But all those are thoughts,
The meanings to which I've forgotten
And when I woke from my heavenly sleep
It appeared this was all just a dream
Of a lover you were,
Trapped inside of the records that I helped to burn
Spare the sorrow of beggars you meet on your journey
To heaven with roses and bones
With your grandmothers makeup and dress
In my own living room I will dance to the music we played
Trapped inside of the records that I helped you break
And the sounds you let out when I looked at your face
Julia, how you left me alone
Has my absence been cause of relief?
Did my tongue paint your wisdom to flee?
Julia, how I loved to hold you so near in a struggle to breathe
And cast all my frustrations beneath all the sheets
In the bedroom where we used to sleep
Did you keep all the memories we made?
Or surrender your soul to the pain I designed just for you
With the pity of god and his heavenly grace
Locked inside of your cigarette, quietly laced
Julia, I'm still here if you please
I wasn't strong
My emotions were physical
My hand on your neck was purely subliminal
I wasn't brave
Let my anger swallow me
Sucked you into it, now your memory will follow me