Mean Mr. Mustard sleeps in the park Shaves in the dark, trying to save paper Sleeps in a hole in the road Saving up to buy some clothes Keeps a ten-bob note up his nose Such a mean old man Such a mean old man His sister Pam works in a shop She never stops, she's a go-getter Takes him out to look at the Queen Only place that he's ever been Always shouts out something obscene Such a dirty old man Dirty old man Well you should see Polythene Pam She's so good-looking but she looks like a man Well you should see her in drag dressed in her polythene bag Yes you should see Polythene Pam Yeah, yeah, yeah Get a dose of her in jackboots and kilt She's killer-diller when she's dressed to the hilt She's the kind of a girl that makes the "News of the World" Yes you could say she was attractively built Yeah, yeah, yeah