Now I may not have a beggar's frown But I know a guy who could turn your purse upside-down Happy people tell me not to sulk All the better, porcelain's cheaper when I buy it in bulk Now I'm no actor, honey honey But I'd bet next month's rent money That I could play one If I had to It's not hard to fake a smile Says the gent who's quite content with being your yesterday for a while And I'm not quick or brave or well-composed But I'm fast and I'm courageous and, well, synonyms I suppose Now I'm no actor, honey honey But I'd bet next month's rent money That I could play one If I had to If I had to prove that I'm more than just a minute of small talk God forbid you wind up with the kid from down the block Now I'm no actor, honey honey But I'd bet next month's rent money That I could play one If I had to