Honest, look
Honest moments, some days I'm too afraid to create
'Cause I'm fearful all my greatest ideas have gone to waste
I know that if I would they would probably be good
But who got time for being good when you wanna be great
But super critical, plus my heart growin' super cynical
People hang around actin' like they super into you
Meanwhile, it's all a scheme to see what they can get from you
Prayers in these cab rides, that became a ritual, uh
I told God I wanna live for You, but
It's hard to live righteous when it costs residual cuts
And plus, for my faith, I face ridicule, but
In light of the glory the comments all minuscule, uh
My wife feeling competition with my career
I'm feeling competition with every rapper I hear
The day I stop doing this probably my biggest fear
And she the only one to be there when nobody cared
So my priorities change, who even keeping score in this game
The price of fame quite the chore to maintain
Record exec's always wanna pour you champagne
It all stop when the record sale reports ain't the same
Who really love ya? Who really love ya? Who really love ya?
Let me ask again, who really love ya enough to hug ya?
To tell you when you actin' like a sucka, who really love ya?
That's not rhetorical, give a call to whoever it is
Say thank you for everything that they did
Life is fragile, we here for a blink, and then it ends
The definition of family the same for the friends
Loyalty thicker than any blood that's under your skin, uh
Honest moments
How often do we have 'em?
Real ones
Can I have one?
We goi'g public with our highlights, yeah
Private with our sin, throwing up
Pictures at the party
But not the one throwing up at the end, oh Lord
Honest moments, how often do we have 'em?
Even with our closest hard questions, hope that they never ask 'em
Ironically, they feel the same, we both actin'
I'm feelin' like a joke, that's why I try to keep 'em laughin'
Crisis happen in my faith, I felt trapped and
Didn't know if God was just something I imagined
Meanwhile, people got questions, they askin'
Me about Jesus, but I ain't got the answer, uh
It's kinda crazy when you're known for your faith
You supposed to give it but you never get grace
So show up on stage and you put on that face
I'm just tryna hold on, hope I finish my race, uh
I just wanna hear Him say "Well done"
How I feel right now? Well, done
Ain't nobody askin' me how I'm doin'
They just like, "Ayo, where the next album?"
"Here it is", honest to God, that's all I can be
They want the old Andy, girl, don't tempt me
And as of late, I'm lookin' into therapy
Forget scarin' other rappers, man I'm scared of me
'Cause mental health issues in my family tree
My grandmother died of Alzheimer's
Last time I see her, yo, she ain't even remember me
I gotta wonder if the same end is meant for me, yeah
Went through depression in December 2016
The worst year I could remember
I was sittin' down at breakfast with my wife, started weepin'
Tears fallin' down my face, I ain't even know the reason
Started readin', learned it's my body's way of releasin'
Stress that I been carryin' over the seasons, uh
In my darkest time, friends are what I needed
But I hadn't sown there so wasn't much for me to really reap and
Losin' faith and things I once believed in
Even myself, I think Satan sent his illest demons
Must be doin' somethin' right to get this opposition
Meanin' I should go the hardest when I feel like quittin'
God, kill me if I ever start mixin'
Personal ambition and call it a righteous mission
'Cause from a distance, most people couldn't tell the difference
That's the thing that make me ashamed to say I'm Christian
God, they lyin' on your name on the television, uh
They Benny Hinn gettin' Benjamin's, uh
And yeah I get it, why most hate religion
'Cause division and oppression is what Ben depicted
Two choices young man, make a decision
Throw your hands up and say "Forget it"
Or be the difference
Four minutes of sharin' how I felt
Honest with y'all 'cause now I'm bein' honest with myself
Honest moments
How often do we have 'em?
Am I allowed to have one?
We go live with the highlights
We go silent with the pain
We don't tell nobody
'Cause we don't want no shame
But if you want to know
If you only knew
Everyone you scared to let down
Don't you know they're like, like you