I still remember the police lights that painted your house a new color on that day
And I still remember all the thoughts that I had
And that I couldn't find one word to say
I remember how fake it felt and how much I wanted to hear that it was all a joke
But it was no joke because you slept on that night
And when the morning came, you never woke
But on the day of your funeral
I didn't want to but I stood up
And I tried to speak
I fought with myself to be strong
But I knew deep down that I was weak
I'm so weak
This is your memorial
For weeks after, I couldn't eat or sleep or repeat the word 'fine' anytime someone asked how I was doing
But I was still doing it
I played pretend but I was losing it
Because I wasn't ready to lose you
And I can't live with the fact of knowing
That there's nothing that I can do to bring you back
It's really quite selfish of me
But I would if I had the opportunity
I'm so tired of sitting at home
I'm so tired of feeling abandoned
I'm a damned kid
I'm just tired of being alone
So tired of trying to manage this baggage from collateral damage
These are just memories that seem to haunt my mind on a daily basis
You are my greatest weakness but in turn you are my aegis
And together we lead a legion of the living who can't help but carry their dead
This weight takes it's toll but each day we move forward taking one step
One step towards the end
One step towards knowing if we'll ever see our loved ones again
We refuse to rest until we breath our last breaths
Until our hearts beat their last beats inside of our beaten chests
Although our cause is worth fighting for
We aren't looking to wage a war
We're just fighting to lead our lives
We're just hoping for something more
Searching for a state of being subsequently giving death a meaning
But until such knowledge is obtained it's in the dark that we'll remain
Living on in me, I will carry on your name
I still carry you with me
We refuse to rest until we breath our last breaths
Until our hearts beat their last beats inside of our beaten chests