Uh
There's sum in me I can't stop the flows
When one nigga hate the effect is something like dominos
You ain't gotta know the real me long as my momma knows
It's crazy when I'm eye to eye with ma I got my momma nose
I can't set no more until I help achieve my momma goals
She worried that she takin' too much I said that's how it goes
High & lows I'm there for you
Most men are dogs that's why you got sons too care for you
Take care of you, make sure that happy on the outside and in
You done came a long way beat the odds when they were slim
You found your way to the light when your mind was gettin' dim
Not a lot people beat addictions they don't have that discipline
It's comforting to ask yourself what my life woulda been
If I never had a brother who was thuggin'
And my momma picked a better man
When she chose her husband
Only if she knew all that I needed was more loving
If my dad would understand when he get mad and hurt my bro
The moment we leave the room he only gon' act out more
That's why he resort to gangs
That's why he resort to drugs
That's why he say fuck the world
That's why he don't show no one love
Now he deep in it and it's lookin' like he finished
A lotta dirt did if only he cleaned the dishes and listened better
Or what if you done took the time to really hear 'em out
And understand the way his head work
Before you get aggressive, take a moment to breath
Don't roll up your sleeve
Just sit down, let's talk and keep a calm tone
You know you'd never treat me like this when moms home
That's why I'm always scared when we alone
This supposed be a safe place but this feel like the furthest thing
Only thing I learned in this house is how to endure pain
And now I'm growing up, thinking love is not sure thing
So all I know is hurt things and pimp 'em out
I'm not worth more than I know so I'll never take a different route
And if I see the early grave at least I died a real nigga
I never squealed nigga
I did my time, I got out went right to field nigga
You can't tell me how that feel to a die a real nigga
Fuck that, you know what's real is having morals
And staying loyal, proving all for your kids
And changing the way you live
Seeing them more than once a year
And not just buying gifts
Makin' it look like you so rich
Actually taking time to get to know the real them
And being there when they depressed so you could heal them
Relate to their mistakes so they don't feel dumb
Teach them the difference between a fake and a real one
Give that push when they feel done
You too grown now, I'm not lettin' no more excuses fly
Remember it was you and I, big bro and lil sis
Everywhere I went they only knew me as your lil sis
You was the shit, who everybody respected
Only difference now, is that knowledge is more a weapon
Then that Smith & Wesson
And I found a way to switch directions, I feel for you
The streets keep letting you down but you still loyal
When will you learn dawg
How about your nephews are they ever a thought
You remember Fab right, he think about you a lot
You got the same name and he looks like you when you were young
Making dumb decisions like you he likes to have stupid fun
Or what about my middle one, you know Zay
I needed extra help with him but you was locked behind the cage
Prolly prayin', hopin' for better days I can't imagine
My lil one too young to even understand what happen
All he know is that I gotta brother he might never see
All I know is that I miss you wish I could go back to seventeen
When we was runnin' wild, I was fresh in the game, yea
In and out the trap, we was crushin' cocaine, yea
Hangin' with the dealers and pimps
When I tell you 'bout my story I can only give a glimpse
'Cause it cut deep
Chasing a high from a pipe I done sunk deep
That's when I felt defeat & tried ending my life
So many times I coulda died but God was holding me tight
He showing signs I'm just hoping he right
Suicidal thoughts I got my throat to this knife
The odds of me surviving slim like I'm rolling some dice
I get on my knees and pray on my loneliest nights
And everything be feeling fine from the moment I right
I been tryna shake these demons getting holy with Christ
Wish I could turn the clock back to give myself some advice
I gotta kid on the way like, what am I doing
Even before he was born feel like his life already ruined
It's gon' take a long time for me to fully recover
What if the people that adopt him don't let 'em know
I'm his mother, I would suffer
But he would suffer to if he was with me
So I gotta hurry up on the process
Recovery a long road and I ain't got that kind of time
I wish someone back then said I'm doing just fine
And that it's the lil habits and tendencies you neglecting
And it's okay if you slip up, but next time you correct it
Is it really worth my time to be emotionally invested
I keep sending all these letters don't know if he get the message
Or if he even got it at all I wanna see your face
Not just a voice over a call they say it's not my place
I want you twice a week, can we have that arranged
My heart aches, I been having these pains
And that he got a couple blood brothers who can't wait meet him